Tuesday, October 17, 2006

GRUTO PARKAS

Holy fucking shit. There are no other words.

So the bus from Siauliau (spelling is gay) got into Druskinikai at 9:30AM, giving myself and Stephen AS a good healthy 5 and a half hours of semi-sober sleep. After stumbling off the bus, we ambled towards the tourist info center, where we inquired about accommidation. After partying like we partied, we needed some more sleep. Luckily, the tourist info center had trailers in the back that we could rent! We got an authentic American white trash experience all the way out in Lithuania, for a mere 70 litas (that's about 25$ for those of you keeping score at home).

After another 2 hours of sleep, we headed towards the ultimate destination, and something both of us had been looking forward to since we left the good old red white, and blue: Gruto Parkas.

Gruto Parkas is a collection of various USSR era statues that were removed when Lithuania declared its independence back in 1990. The statues were purchased by a Mushroom Tycoon (!!!), who proceded to build a cute little park, complete with a playground, zoo, and blaring USSR military hymns. He has plans to build a railway from Vilnius (the capital of Lithuania) to Gruto Parkas (about 120KM) where people will get cattled into boxcars so they can experience what it was like for the Lithanians who were deported to Siberia. Some people have dared to question his taste, labelling the park, "Stallin World." Think like Disney, but with a Gulag. Motherfuckin' Goldeneye level is all this bro has to say. Check it:





But before we get to the meat, we have to talk about the, uh, meat. I'm talking about our so called lunch:



Yes, that is indeed Military Quality Stewed Pork. If I had read the label correctly, I wouldn't have purchased it. This is what happens when we stray from our supermarket diet of bread, cheese, and sausage. It looks even better when laid out on a pankuka (think like a crepe, but with an Iron Curtain twist):



Steve thought he liked it. I thought it was shit, but stuffed it down anyway. Beggars can't be chosers, but they sure can look stupid:



Anyway, after throwing that out, we got on with the Holy Fucking Shitting. ME AND MY HOMEY VLADDY L ABOUT TO THROW DOWN Y'ALL!!!



Heh Heh. Good Head. Huh huh.





I just gotta be me!



Anyway, back to the molestation. Take this, you commie bastards!











Did I mention they had a zoo?



Check out that giant cock. Oh yeah, and the huge rooster too. Dig the zoo:





That ostrich was out of its fucking mind. Check the video.

THAT'S NOT ALL. IT GETS EVEN BETTER. These are probably the best videos we have yet. AVANT GARDE. BRING ON THE GENIUS GRANTS. The music is what was playing at the park, by the way.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

And lastly, my crowning achievement. I should be in the Gulag now. Luckily, it is off season and there was no one there to see this. The ending is extra special, but it is pretty special up to that. OH SHIT

That's it for now. SHERMAN OUT

4 Comments:

At 10:21 PM, Anonymous alex sass! said...

HEY MIKE THAT'S MY FUCKING MESSENGER BAG, GIVE IT BACK IT. IT HAS MY NAME IN IT.

 
At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry dude, but you're bag's going to Belarus.

 
At 3:01 AM, Anonymous Your Indiana relative said...

Damn, I didn't know I was going to have to dance.......

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous jesse said...

I love the soread of mike with Lenin

 

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