Sunday, October 01, 2006

You Can't Buy Times Like this with Soviet Rations

We've been in Tallinn, Estonia for the past four days, staying on the floor of the incredible Reiner. His apartment building is an absolute Soviet megalith, a concrete monster filled with Russians. He was a wonderful host and Mike and I got him a bottle of wine and I wrote "Keep the rock alive!" on the label, but I think my "r" in "rock" was sloppy so it looks like "Keep the cock alive!" A better introduction to Estonians couldn't have existed without Reinert. We even saw his metal band.

Michael and I leave tomorrow for St. Petersburg, where we spend three days before going to Moscow. The talk we've heard about Russia has been, always, less than flattering. I feel like I'm baking a pie for a first time in front of a bunch of old church ladies who've been baking since the diaper days and dole out supertitious advice. "Melt the butter ONLY on the stove top," or, "Russian cops don't want to kill you, they only want to maim you." Oy, nevermind.

Anyhow, pics from Finland

This is a black metal band called Moonspell. It was evil. The audience wore black, much to our surprise. From the set: "This is a love song for real people, because it has no happy ending. It has oceans...of BLOOD!"

More Moonspell.

This is us at the moonspell show:

And here's an outake. I don't think the finnish guy taking the picture understood what those fingers around the mouth mean to asshole americans like us.

Here are a couple videos. Only suitable for consumption by those who can handle the metal.

Short clip of the opening band.

The second band, Before the Dawn. Longer clip.

And a video of Moonspell being very evil.

Look at me, I have wonderful reception! Everything is perfect in Scandanavia! Gutentag, herr Suomi.

Yes Mike, I'm sorry, but you're a homo.

Yeah dude, totally.

We passed this store and saw a shitload of guns in the window. "What the shit," I hollered, and we explored. After about three minutes of browsing the guns and trying not to gawk at the yellow haired employees, Mike and I realized that we were actually at a store comprised of airguns made to look hyper-realistic. A fake uzi, and a real dipshit.

It's funny how everything can be testicles sometimes:

Check out Steve's moves. This is some fucking church with a nice view. It was some Protestant shit, very spartan compared to the Russian Orthdox we-have-onion-domes-but-no-onions ones:

Here's another fucking church. This one is from the 60s and is totally holy roller for Finland.

"We're going to need rivets if we want to use this cross":

Huhhuh. Farts.

And this is us on the Ferry from Helsinki to Tallinn. It was the cheapest boat we could get, but it turned out to be a party boat, complete with a synth muzak shit band and some blonde finnish MC with one earring.


At 4:21 PM, Blogger laks said...

Mr. Sherman, i am thrilled to be reading about your adventures.

i told you that i want to go to Georgia this upcoming summer, right? ideas on the best way of getting there?


At 10:08 PM, Blogger M. Wesley, Esq. said...

Advice? Don't go. We are in Russia now and it is scary enough as it is...

At 10:08 PM, Blogger M. Wesley, Esq. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:03 PM, Anonymous Xha Temja said...

Komenti qe une lashe ne kete site:
All the shit that this motherfucker wrote here is true, but there is something else he should write. My name is XHA TEME and when I was 18 years old I met a beautiful hore in a HOTEL in the center of Tirana. It was December. This lady was the mother of the motherfucker that wrote this shitt about the albanian countryside. Well. You can understand what happened next. After I paid the lady for her services I asked her about her family and she told me that she was gone far away from home because of a trauma she had when she was told that her baby will be a homosecual and as it will grow up maby will become a mother killer because of the mental problems. So she decided to run away from home. That was the first day in her life she decided to hook up just to make some money so she can pay for the trip. But tho money wasnt inuff so she decided to do it again and this was the begining af a new profession for her. Now she was a hooker and it was not that bad she was told. Very soon she learnead to mix work with pleasure. She started traveling from place to place and she enjoyed haveing sex everywhere. The destiny brought her in albania where she learned to have real sex with real mans. Everything in Albania was sooo BIG. So she decided to stay there forever. This was the reason that made this motherfucker come in albania. Dont misunderstand me. He didnt came here in Albania to find his mother. She is dead about a while ago. He came here to enjoy what he was told his mother enjoyed too. But everyone knew his history so it wasnt that easy for hem to survive in a country like this. Anyway. This was not the reason he decided ta walk away from here like a scared rabbit. The real reason was that he heard from some paesants that here in albania we kill homosexuals. Well. You can understand that this is not true because if it was like this he should be dead and baryed wright nou. It is not true too that we dont speak english here in Albania because I can asure you that every albanian speaks very well Italian, Greek, English and surely their native language what means that here in albania we speak 4 languages. If you want to watch the real albania you can take a look at one of my webbsites.
Try this.

The next time jou come in Albania BE A MAN. If jou do it I promise I with fuck you right in the ass.


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