Friday, November 24, 2006

HOLY MOTHER OF METAL, GIVE ME EVIL STRENGTH

Prague was totally Prog, but if you want something a little more METAL...



then we've got just what you're looking for.

While in Prague, we took a little day trip to a little city called Kutna Hora. What's special about Kutna Hora? This is special about Kutna Hora:



Welcome to the Ossuary. A church decorated with HUMAN FUCKING BONES. BONER!



Some rich family commissioned this like 150 years ago or something. The artist had a shitload of human bones to work with. Thus:



Every single bone in the human body is used at least once in this chandelier. SATAN GIVES ME STRENGTH.





Check out the huge fucking piles of bones:





Since it was a commission, you have to give tribute to your benefactors. How about the family coat of arms?


Wait, what the fuck is that in corner?


Oh, nothing much. Just a FUCKING BONE VULTURE EATING THE EYES FROM THE SKULL OF A DEAD TURK. Metallica used to lie about eating rats so people would think they were more metal. All they had to do was shoot a video here. Pussies.

Look, the artist even signed it:


What else does Kutna Hora have to offer? Not much. We went to the Museum of Alchemy, which would have blown our minds if it was even 1/100th as metal as that God shit. But it wasn't. Here's the second most metal part:



The most metal part? There was an authentic old-timey alchemy chart on loan to the museum from Kenneth Anger. If you know who Kenneth Anger is, then that's fucking metal. If you don't, that's OK. It means you're normal, and your children wont be cannibal Nazi biker demons.

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