Thursday, December 07, 2006


OK, so we were doing pretty good on that whole "get caught up" thing, and then we left the internet for a while, and then we left it longer, and then we got drunk on Bulgarian moonshine, and then yadda yadda yadda and we are now officially TWO WEEKS BEHIND REAL TIME. We're in Moldova, and it's cool and stuff, but we have A LOT of Bulgaria to discuss.

On a separate note, our cell phone was lifted from an internet cafe in Sofia - it was my fault. On the table one minute, gone the next. If anyone feels like having some fun, give +372 531 24953 a call and tell whoever picks up (no one has yet, we've tried) that they can STAND THE FUCK DOWN and it's only a matter of time before the U S of A drops some 10-megaton Hiroshima shit on his fucking city. Don't fuck with my Siemens.

And on the subject of things not to fuck with, we have...

Our great aunt Louise. She's saying hi too, I think. Sure she is!

So throughout Bulgaria, we travelled with our wonderful globe-trotting great aunt, pictured above attaining Nirvana. She's gonna have a guest entry on this blog soon, so everyone can look forward to her side of the story.

But for now, get Varnashed. WOOOOOO!!!

Varna's all clean and cobblestoned and cute. The stray dogs have yellow tags in their ears denoting they've been castrated (what a thought!), and the cats in heat underneath station wagons sound like crying babies trapped under tires. This being said, the coast is sure lovely!

Those two cool cats pictured above were our host and host-facilitator, Rumi and Martin. More on those champs later.

"Welcome to Bulgaria," sayeth the sand.

And just to make sure, Mike and I were kindly reminded before entering the Archaeology Museum to not use our handguns. Bulgaria reminds us to check yo self before ya reck yo self. Merci!

This next set is from the ruins of the old Roman bathhouses, right smack-fucking-dab in the middle of the city. The stone foundations of the bathhouses were used as foundations for the communist-era flats built next to the site. Bathhouses were built to last, d00d. I guess when those Romans weren't too busy sodomizing eachother they were designing sturdy bathhouses so as to, ummm, better facilitate sodomy. LIKE YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING A BUTTFUCKING JOKE, COME ON.

We scoured the ground for the shit-and-cum stained lambskin prophylactics of the fags of yore, but sadly we only came out with some awesome pictures. Huh huh, "came out"



So the train to Varna, as covered in the last entry, was god-fuck awful. We went from the Teutonic purity of Deutschland to back in the thick of things in no-time flat. Leaking roofs, overcrowding, and dudes walking around with goats visible from the train window. Bulgaria joins the EU January 1st, a notion we found surprising after seeing how, for lack of a better word, "uneuropean" the country seems. By this rate, Sierra Leone is prime for EU membership in 2010. And it seems like the Bulgarians themselves are a little confused by the whole deal. We found this sampling of art in the Varna post office.


Oh man I could have had such a better childhood. Instead, I find horse shit like this to be the cat's pyjamas.

Speaking of the cat's pyjamas, check out the locals! Martin, on the far right, and his friends (whose names I honestly forget! Shit! There's a reason we should be more punctual with this blogging stuff). We vogue like winners. Martin wasn't actually our host, but being a champion, we wrote him via CS and he hooked us up with his friend Rumi (pictured along the coast), a travel agent who we stayed with in her lovely apartment with her cats and her husband, and she even made BANITSA. But yes, check the Varna mafia.


Commie car. The chassis of these models was made of none other than, you guessed it, paper mache. Efficient, no?

We had an awesome three nights in Varna - it's a pleasant place, with a cute smallish atmosphere and stylish people and one of the best damn shore spots in the world (making late November a not-exactly-high season). The people are friendly and awesome, and it was the jump-off point for our two-week Bulgarian excursion.

Besides Rumi and Martin, we also met Snezhana, a friend of our cousin's and a radio broadcaster, who was insistently friendly and persistently intelligent and awesome and told us stories about corrupt Bulgarian politicians and what it's like being a journalist under communism (answer - pretty fucking scary). We had a whole crew of support in Varna, and they formed a little squadron and guided us around, took us out, and Rumi sent us packing with wine and rose perfume and apples, Snezhana gave gifts for people back home, and Martin set the whole thing up. They were kind of like X-Men, except Slavic and stuff, and not mutants, and...yeah. Wow.

I gotta go.



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