Thursday, January 11, 2007

You say Bairam, they say Bojram, but it all means...




We were in Sarajevo during this holiday called "Bairam," which, being the godless heathen westerners we were, had never heard of. Bairam is actually called Eid ul-Adha. Bairam is the Turkish name, or something. But since the Turks forcibly converted the Bosniaks, they call it Bairam (Bojram) too. Whatevs. No matter what you call it, it's fucking awesome, and it's fucking metal. How metal?

This metal:

Before you read this, you might want to scroll down and read Steve's Sarajevo entry. Just because.


If you're a hypocrite, well, tough shit. Goodbye, you fucking hypocrite. But for the record, it's no worse than what you see in your average summer blockbuster. The videos, on the other hand...

Since the videos are so EXTREME, YouTube has marked them as ADULTS ONLY. Which means you need a YouTube account to view some of them. But fret not, dear readers! You don't need to sign up for a YouTube account to view this good stuff! There's a great website called BugMeNot that's basically a repository of passwords. Or, you can just do this - log in as user: lukashenkobairam. The password is "lukashenko." We here accomodate our readers by creating awesome useless accounts

So anyhow, some background. Here it is, stolen from Wikipedia:

Eid ul-Adha occurs on the tenth day of the Islamic month of Dhul Hijja. It is one of two Eid festivals that Muslims celebrate. Eid ul-Adha is celebrated by Muslims worldwide as a commemoration of Prophet Ibrahim's (Abraham's) willingness to sacrifice his son Ismael for God. Like Eid ul-Fitr, Eid ul-Adha also begins with a short prayer followed by a sermon.

It is celebrated on the 10th day of the month of Dhul Hijja (ذو الحجة) of the lunar Islamic calendar, after Hajj, the annual pilgrimage to Mecca in Saudi Arabia. This happens to be approximately 70 days after the end of the month of Ramadan.

Eid ul-Adha is four days long starting the day after the pilgrims in hajj (annual pilgrimage to Mecca by Muslims world wide) descend from mount Arafat.

Men, women, and children are expected to dress in their finest clothing and perform prayer (Salat) in any Masjid (mosque). Muslims who can afford to do so sacrifice their best domestic animals (usually sheep, but also camels, cows, and goats) as a symbol of Ibrahim's (Abraham's) sacrifice. The sacrificed animals, called "udhiya Arabic: أضحية", have to meet certain age and quality standards or else the animal is considered an unacceptable sacrifice. At the time of sacrifice, Allah's name is recited along with the offering statement and a supplication as Prophet Muhammad said. The meat then is distributed among the sacrificer's family, friends, relatives, and the poor and hungry. The regular charitable practices of the Muslim community are demonstrated during Eid ul-Adha by the concerted effort to see that no impoverished Muslim is left without sacrificial food during these days. Coming immediately after the annual hajj ends with the celebration of the Day of Mount Arafat. Eid ul-Adha is a concrete affirmation of what the Muslim community ethic means in practice. People in these days are expected to visit their relations, starting with their parents, then their families and friends.

Okay, that's enough Plagarism. Onto the SLAUGHTER. DOUBLE BASS DRUM!

Here's a video tour of the fun. You see the slaughter pit, the butchers, and a pile of guts.

As the French say, this is the mise-en-scene.

That's your intro, fuckers. Now let's talk about the food chain. That is, the chain of events that leads to delicious food, like Kebabs and cevapcici. We're going to work backwards. This is like porn, the money shot comes at the end.

Mmmm! Delicious lamb chops. Where do those chops come from?

Why, from tasty chunks of course:

Where do tasty chunks come from? From this bro:

Pretty sexy! It's a shame they cut the anus out.

"Hey Mike! Check it out! I'm hanging out with friends here. Yuk yuk!"

Cool Steve! So before we have a yummy lamb-choppable carcass, you have to take the guts out, and toss them in a pile. Looks like Christmas!:

And then said guts are cleaned.

Let's get a close up. Here's a fresh pic of some digested Sarajevo lawn.

But to get the guts out, you have to first slice open the carcass. Notice the steam? If you listen in the background, you can hear Steve say "we took more pictures of slaughtered sheep than we have of all of Zagreb." This fact is true, and this is why you're friends with us.

So then, if we are in the process of putting Mr. Halal Ram back together, the next thing that happened was that his skin was removed. Do you think all sheep are purchased easy for gutting and butchering? Do you think they roll right out of the assembly looking this cute?:

Put your tongue back in your mouth!

Skinning is quite a process, in which the skin around the neck is the most difficult to remove. Sometimes you need to use an axe. Besides the neck, the rest is pretty easy to remove. We watch, and Mike approves.

All in a Bairam's work.

"Hey Steve, I'm standing in my beauty pose! You wanna see my dimple?"

"Summertiiiiime, and the living is eaaaa-syyyy"

Mr. Sheep is almost back together. But first, what are they doing over there?

I think we need to get a little closer. Maybe they're just pinning it down and the ram is having an, umm, seizure?

And oh shit, THAT'S how they do it...

One main symbolic caveat of the slaughter is that all the blood must go into the pit, along with the horns. That's the first picture from this post.

Hey look, an intact sheep! "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so FAAAARRRRRR away..."

"Hello? Hello? Is this Allah? He's not in? Oh, umm, I'll call back. Ciao."

And did you seriously consider that we were going to deny you videos of the slaughter? Oh please. Death is a fast road, and unfortunately the torture of being related to us lasts a lifetime.

Hi grandma!

So after an hour and a half of standing in the snow, with hole-filled shoes, on top of Park Princeva on the outskirts of Sarajevo, we weren't sure if there was anywhere else to go. Then David reminded us of this place, about 100 yards from the slaughter.

Why, it's a restuarant, and what's on the menu? Sheep? You don't say! And here's some sweet Turkish coffee, to sip after a nice meal, while you contemplate the sweet luxury of topping-off that big bad food chain.

Sherman OUT! Stick that in your pit and bury it. Bairam represent.


At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how was the atmosphere?

-ian c.

At 12:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that turksıh coffee ıs bullshıt- shıts supposed to come ın a lıttle cup, but the Bosnıaks were all lazy and just gave you the pourer. Also there,s already sugar IN the coffee- you don,t add anymore. Leave the turkısh coffee to the turkısh people.

At 1:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what the shit?


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