"He is not human, he is a piece of iron."
"He's worried! You cut him! You hurt him! You see? You see? He's not a machine, he's a man!"
"It is a matter of size. Evolution. Isn't it, gentlemen? Drago is the most perfectly trained athlete ever. This other man has not the size, the strength, the *genetics* to win. It is physically impossible for this little man to win. Drago is a look at the future!"
"During this fight, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than twenty million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!"
Yeah, I bled. And it was fucking sweet. I was defending the honor of a woman, I swear.
"YEAH RIGHT. IF BY 'DEFENDING THE HONOR OF A WOMAN' YOU MEAN HITTING YOUR HEAD ON A CHAIR WHILE BENDING OVER'"
Shut the fuck up, in-quotes-caps-lock-guy.
Thus, I had bled and it was magnificent. AIDS AIDS AIDS. In one of those sequences of events that are too good to be true, the next day I found myself in a beautiful little Slovenian town. The name of the town? Bled. BLED!
The name of the lake? Bled. BLED!
Bled is the national Slovenian tourist trap, a beautiful little tourist hamlet with a lake, mountains, and a commie surprise (PATIENCE!). It may be a primo tourist spot, but it's the off season so I was able to enjoy it in peace. Yay!
HARK! YONDER CASTLE! (again)
Yeah, fuckers wanted like 8 Euros to go inside, so I said FUCK THAT. In the Balkans, you'd be killed for trying to charge admission like that.
But there's still the lake, and I still had to walk around it weee!
And in the middle of the lake, there's an island with a church on it. And duck butts.
I wanted to go to the church, because I'm extremely Christian. I had heard that there was rowboat rental, so I tried to find it and failed. Turns out there ain't SHIT in the off season, just some overpriced motorboats or something that go every hour. So fuck that. I'll find something better to do than prostrate to your FALSE GOD, SLOVENIA.
"FUCK YEAH" says Mr. Duck. "CHECK OUT MY ASS!"
This guy's ass is better though.
Oh lookie! Swans! Play nice with the ducks.
"SWANS ATTACK! DUCK BLOOD!"
Ok. Time for a snack now.
Yeah! Strudel! Now to take that picture for the US bombing recon:
Fuck you, island.
Bled is surrounded by mountains, and enterprising tourists go hiking in the mountains.
Oh Fuck. Where are the trail markers? Yeah, I'm fucking lost. So I walk to a high point because I'm a fucking idiot.
No trails there. So I climb up even higher, uprooting trees in my path. Rrrar.
No trails here. But I've managed to hike to the neighboring valley, so now I know I'm not going to die.
Then I decide to try to get down to where I started. I'm still not on a trail, so I start going down the fastest down I can find. That was fucking scary.
And I'm back on the trail. Boring.
But then I make it to the end. Yay! View!
It's a shame I don't have an RPG.
And here's what the real trail looks like. I finally found it. Yeah.
Then I decide to moon Slovenia:
Chek dis shit OMFG:
Sure, it looks like an ordinary building. And in fact, it's a hotel.
Vila Bled! The former retreat of Tito. Check out the commie decor:
Those are my favorite colors. And a socialist lobby!
Thanks for the fun, Slovenia. Sorry about the mess.