Besides buttloads of churches, L'viv has TOURIST sights as well. YEE-HAW.
First on the list is the cemetery of awesome. I'm dumb and forgot the name, but it's huge, and it's probably the prettiest cemetery I've ever seen. Unfortunately, this means it didn't have a lot of gaudy Soviet super-tombs to offer. But it was quiet and meditative, especially with the fresh snow.
A dreaded sunny day indeed.
Let's talk about what various famous poets have to say about death.
This creeps me out. A woman and a child standing on a rock, with a dude's face on a plaque on the rock:
And some boss Mausoleums. The Boss is on my side, but John Mellencamp is on yours.
And a side of beef. Man beef:
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.
I know it's over.
Here's a huge pile of flowers. It looked extremely fresh, but the snow (the first snow of the year, and less than 24 hours old at this point) killed it.
Keats and Yeats are on your side, but Wilde is on mine. And they're all dead.
Whoever this belongs to certainly kicked a lot of ass:
How many your holiness?
Yes, 2 altars boys tonight. Here's one of them. He'll be willing since he likes the Smiths:
Anybody want to start a Cure tribute band?
Right. That was mature.
Next on the agenda of important cultural landmarks that I'm going to debilitate and make gay jokes about even though I thought they were cool is the L'viv 'castle'. You'll see what I mean in a minute.
So I'm trying to find the castle and all I see is a giant hill. So I start to walk up it. After 45 minutes of walking down slush covered roads, I get to what I think is the high point.
I heard the castle was ruins, but this was a little anticlimactic:
But then I saw this guy.
Since the castle was such a disappointment, I decided to head to the TV tower.
So I climbed the stairs, and at the top of the stairs, I saw this. I'm fucking stupid.
HARK! Yonder keep! Belarus must lay siege! So I started to climb, and the snow started again. It was fucking cold.
But I made it. I CLAIM THIS CITY IN THE NAME OF BELORUSSIAN SUPREMACY! Too bad the snow fucked up the view:
Then I went to the catacombs. They're in the basement of some church. I can't remember which one because there were like 100 billion of them. I got a cool little tour of them, and it was wacky. Here's an excavation inside the catacombs. There are at least 2 levels to the catacombs but only one is currently open.
It's a casket. It was supposed to be for a bishop or something, but some drones dropped it and broke it. So they stored it in the catacombs.
In the basement of the church, near the catacombs entrance, was an art exhibit. This is in the basement of a church:
The basement of a fucking church! The curtains over the naughty parts are SOAKED in perfume.
What's her name?
Chocolate. THE BASEMENT OF A FUCKING CHURCH.
And lastly, the most important part of my stay in L'viv:
That's Slava and his wife Lesia. They were kind enough to host me during my time in L'viv. Their English wasn't amazing, so I don't know how much they understood me, especially when I was trying to explain things like the fact that the 'center' of New Providence is just a mini mall, and then what a mini mall is, and that even though there are 12,000 people here it is NOT a city. But they were totally awesome. They cooked incredible food, and I ate extremely well. They both were self employed, so they worked at home. Slava was a web designer, and Lesia, well, had probably the coolest job of anyone I had stayed with:
Yeah! A professional icon painter! How awesome is that! She went to school for icon painting and now does it professionally. She's really good--I saw her portfolio, but it's not on the Internet unfortunately. So you'll have to settle for this, the icon that was currently being worked on (4 copies of it were being created at once):
Yeah, it was upside down when I took the photo so I had to flip it.